Many times, my closest friends complain that they don’t get important information from me. Whereas I absolutely agree with them, on the macro level, many times, I have difficulty finding the appropriate micro-opportunity to disclose essential data.
On one hand, I am a great believer of journeying together in life with those whom one loves. I’m reminded of a profound episode of “Will and Grace,” in which, due to their recent geographic distance, Will and Grace no longer had the kind of intimacy they once enjoyed. The conclusion was that they each would contact the other with every thought or event in his/ her life. I believe Will said something to the effect of “if you change tooth pastes, I wanna know about it.” Yes. I agree with that. That’s how one journeys together in life. Sadly, social media has given us a great means of the output portion of that equation, with little of the input benefits— namely, the intimacy.
Therefore, on the other hand, people mostly don’t seem to want to hear anything that disrupts their current flow of thought or task. Being an effective communicator means understanding one’s audience and the context into which one projects to insert data. Many times, the data that I hope to insert has no proper port.
For instance, I once had to sit through an entire brunch while secretly mourning the death of a dear friend. I scheduled this brunch, with acquaintances with whom I was still becoming familiar, a few weeks in advance, so when the tragedy happened, it was impossible to cancel. If I did, I would have to explain why and then they would begin treating me strangely or not addressing my pain at all, all of which would be quite uncomfortable for an INTJ. Therefore I kept a smile on my face and my emotions in a nice sturdy cage.
Also, texting seems to inhibit the exchange of proper data due to its immediate and toneless nature. I’ve tried to disclose significant information using this means, but have failed miserably, causing unnecessary pain for both parties.
I would quite love to exchange thoughts and feelings efficiently. Perhaps, given our highly detached forms of communication lately, it wouldn’t be a terrible idea for all of us to decide to pay closer attention to what others are actually communicating and be ok with being interrupted in our current paths.